Don't Call Me Love!

If someone outside family and friends dares to patronise you by addressing you with an inappropriate term of endearment like 'love', don't let them get away with it. At best it is disrespectful; at worst it is bullying.

People who attempt to belittle others in this way are usually insecure. They want to get a feeling of power and reassure themselves they are worthier than others by deflecting their feelings of inferiority.

This offensive use of endearments is done with the aim, subconscious or otherwise, of diminishing the person being addressed.

Make no mistake about it, speaking to people in this way is a put down. The underlying message is: You are less than I am. We ought not allow these acts of microaggression to go unchallenged.

Often, the perpetrators do not realise they are belittling the person being addressed. THAT is no excuse. The message is the same whether it is at the subconscious level, or the conscious level. If you call it out, you’ll do them a service by raising their self-awareness.

Reject the ‘endearment’ – politely and respectfully — but firmly. For example, you could say in a courteous tone: Please don’t call me love. (Being firm is important. The offender won’t take you seriously otherwise.)

If you find doing this confronting, practise saying it in your head and out loud in the privacy of your home. That way, it will slip off your tongue more easily when the occasion arises.
Be brave!

There may be times when something about the circumstances or the offender may send you a ‘let it go’ vibe. At such times you may choose to exercise your power to be lenient and allow the discourtesy to pass without comment.

Here is a link to my whimsical ditty called Don’t Call Me Love.